Tag Archives: Oprah

My NyQuil-induced freaky dream

I have been a total mess all week due to a seriously lethal cold/flu thing. I think I’ve finally turned a corner today; I felt good enough to leave the house, which would have been impossible a few days ago. Anyhoo, I’ve been swigging a *LOT* of NyQuil. As in, “Nectar of the Gods.” My only saving grace throughout all this. All you mamas out there know how hard it is to parent when you are sick as a dog. When the kids are sick, too…well, it’s pretty much the most unpleasant days of your life.

One plus side to all this, if you are a total spaz like me, is that NyQuil gives you freaky dreams that you can blog about. Like this gem from last night:

I was apparently an actress who was in “Django Unchained,” but my scenes were cut at the last minute. I was appearing on the Oprah show with all the other actors in it. Glenn Close was there. I don’t remember the others. But it was all people who were not actually in the movie.

So, I was super-bitter that my scenes got cut. Oprah asked me a question, and I called her out about her falseness, phoniness, etc. In real life I have no opinion of Ms. Winfrey other than she worked hard for her success and she really came from practically nothing and built an empire. I harbor no ill will towards her. I can’t say I was a regular watcher of her show, nor do I take the lists of things she likes as gospel like so many do, but I like her, I guess. I will not deny that she is an inspiration to millions and does a ton of good things. But in my dream she was the most evil woman who ever lived and I was happy I got to expose her.

WELL. I went to my parents’ house and we all sat down to watch tv and my little rant on the O was the top story on all the entertainment shows and there was basically a public outcry to lynch me, because how DARE I CROSS OPRAH. Even my parents were “so disappointed in me.” Which we all know is just the worst.

I ended up going back to high school, which naturally was in a mall, and trying to blend in, like a narc ala “21 Jump Street,” to escape the public’s wrath. I left the school during lunch and got lost in the parking lot and then I woke up.

NyQuil. It should be illegal. It’s that good.

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