When I was in 1st grade, I started keeping my first journal. The first words I ever wrote into my first journal were, “I want to be a writer. I want to be as famous as Shakespeare.” Awwwww. How cute. And how awesome that I have achieved my goal! Oh, wait.
I kept many many, many journals up until my mid-20’s. I wrote many, many many crazy things in these journals: bad poetry, tirades about how my mom was sooooooo unfair, my dreams, boyfriends, teen angst, blah blah blah. Pretty standard stuff. But one thing I always did, and still do, is make lists. I loooove makin’ me a list. It’s always a list of the things I am really into at the moment. This can include smells, songs, foods, people, words, anything. I don’t know why I do this. I’ve just always done it. The only other kind of list I remember making was things I wanted to accomplish before I died. Which I apparently thought was going to happen in my teens, as the list included getting my drivers license, get a tattoo, stop biting my nails, get my own apartment, etc. It was actually awesome that I did that, because the only thing I have yet to accomplish on this Totally Lame Bucket List is visit Jim Morrison’s grave. And I can totally still do that sometime. Too bad my hubby hates France. No offense, France!!!
The reason I stopped keeping journals in my mid-20’s is that I had this big shift in my being after my first trip up to Wooddtock, NY. The town, not the spot where the festival was. I’ve been there, too. Several times. I will write about Woodstock soon, because it’s usually #1 on my lists of things I love. It’s an incredible little town untainted by corporate America and its residents truly care about their town and the people in it. I’ve had a lot of awesome experiences there, met a lot of beautiful people, and picked up a lot of unique trinkets. Love love love the 12498.
Anyway, I went up there and for whatever reason, it changed me a little bit. When I came home, I got rid of, oh, I would say 50% of my possessions and 100% of any evidence of who I used to be. “Strike another match, go start anew,” as Bob Dylan said. All those journals, like 25-30 journals-gone (that’s also another Jim Morrison thing. He burned all his early journals and mused that while he wished he still had them, he felt if he hadn’t gotten rid of them, he’d never be free. I totally get that). I went through all my photos and got rid of links to my past that I wanted to expunge. Letters, notes, mementoes…all gone.
And then I started over.
I have a zillion more journals now, but they don’t contain any words. They are all in collage form. I like this better. Now, my kids or whoever can look at them after I’ve passed on (or while I’m in the bathtub and they are snooping in my closet) and draw their own conclusions as to who I really am/was/hoped to be inside. People don’t need to know the gory details…they want to remember you the way THEY want to, anyway. Their version is going to be way more cool and romantic than having it all spelled out to them.
And now, my list of things I love right now (excluding the obvious like kids and loved ones and God and nature and stuff like that):
Larry’s Beans Woodstock Blend Coffee. The best coffee I have ever tasted, and it’s only available during festival season. Love that.
Star Trek. I’m a nerd. I don’t care.
Father John Misty – “Fear Fun”. I’ve been listening to it virtually every day for many, many months. It’s like…wow. He’s working on a new record called “I Love You, Honeybear.” How can you go wrong with a name like that?? Anyway, I’m going to see him in June with my niece, who also loves Jim Morrison. We. Are. Psyched.
Clowns (ha!!! Just kidding. And I refuse to link to anything about clowns because that would mean I’d have to look at clowns. No thank you. Although I do like Krusty. He’s good.)
Kimberton Whole Foods – I could spend 4 hours and $40,000 in there.
I’m on a Doors kick right now because I just read The Doors: Unhinged,which is drummer John Densmore’s account of how his former band mates Ray Manzarek (whom I’ve met, by the way. He was cool) and Robby Krieger decided to be greedy jerks and sued him for $40 million (!!!) after John tried to get them to stop milking every drop out of the Doors by touring as the Doors without him and with other people from other bands. It was very, very good and really interesting if you are an old Doors freak like me. As the Kids in the Hall can attest, Doors fans aren’t made, they’re born.
Now this has got me questioning if they made a Jim Morrison hologram, would I go. I mean, it’s so insane that I can even entertain this idea!!! The world is becoming a really weird place. I like being cocooned at my home right now without cable, only Netflix, blissfully unaware of commercials, breaking news, and what crappy movies are coming out. Whoah, how did I get on this topic? I was talking about John Densmore’s book. I swear I have ADHD. Or I’ve had too much coffee.